(no subject)

Today is one of those days where I feel really depressed and negative and lonely. It's pitch black outside - the light doesn't return until April - which doesn't help.

I often spiral into negative thoughts about my job - what if I can't get a new job after this semester is over, what if my education isn't good enough and I'll be stuck on the same old job with the same old salary. I also worry about money and studying and if the flat is clean.

I hate living alone right now. Partially I really miss having someone to do everyday things with; grocery shopping, watching TV, having dinner. Being alone also means I don't really have a chance to buy a bigger apartment or house and I sometimes think about that.

I both want and don't want a new relationship. I don't want to be alone anymore, but I don't want to bother with trying to find a boyfriend. I'm just scared of entering the dating scene at this age.

I'm also having problems with my anger management lately. Lots of shouting to myself and huffing and puffing. I'm trying to stay away from certain websites and trying to think happy thoughts.