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Nov. 15th, 2021 08:39 pmIt's nine pm. Twelve hours ago, I took this picture.
Ragnar was alive. At home, with Elsa.
Three hours later, he was dead.
If I hadn't brought him in, he'd be in the room with me now. I could hug him. Hear his breath. Stroke his fur.
He'd be suffering, but maybe he'd feel a little bit better for a while, maybe live a few more weeks.
If I had brought him in sooner, maybe the vet would have put him on more meds. Maybe they would have worked.
I don't have him here tonight. He would be sleeping, exhausted. I would be able to touch him and pet him. I would listen to his breathing.
Yesterday, I thought "at least he's alive still, I can pet him and show him I love him."
And I did. I always did.
Today is the first day that it is too late to pet him.
The rest of my life? Without him. Fifteen years of his presence is not enough.
Did I do right by you, baby? Did you die feeling loved? Did you miss Elsa? Does Elsa miss you?
I can't tell, she's so calm. Maybe she has forgotten about you already.
My God, out life together is over. For fifteen years, you were my cat, and today it just ended.
I love you, Ragnar.
I hope you knew.
Ragnar was alive. At home, with Elsa.
Three hours later, he was dead.
If I hadn't brought him in, he'd be in the room with me now. I could hug him. Hear his breath. Stroke his fur.
He'd be suffering, but maybe he'd feel a little bit better for a while, maybe live a few more weeks.
If I had brought him in sooner, maybe the vet would have put him on more meds. Maybe they would have worked.
I don't have him here tonight. He would be sleeping, exhausted. I would be able to touch him and pet him. I would listen to his breathing.
Yesterday, I thought "at least he's alive still, I can pet him and show him I love him."
And I did. I always did.
Today is the first day that it is too late to pet him.
The rest of my life? Without him. Fifteen years of his presence is not enough.
Did I do right by you, baby? Did you die feeling loved? Did you miss Elsa? Does Elsa miss you?
I can't tell, she's so calm. Maybe she has forgotten about you already.
My God, out life together is over. For fifteen years, you were my cat, and today it just ended.
I love you, Ragnar.
I hope you knew.
