Going back to work
Jun. 19th, 2005 09:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kribbanTomorrow I will go back to work for the first time since my breakdown and my vacation. They all know I'm experiencing mental problems so it won't feel weird going back.
It comes and goes, really. Earlier today I wasn't doing so well (I was at my uncle's house - he's going with me to see an apartment next week and he's going to help me with the loan and also re-decorating and moving. My mom had called him yesterday and asked him to help since he lives here. I like my relatives) but as soon as I got home I started feeling better. I'm using Malin to medicate me and that's not very fair, considering she's also going through some tough times now.
Right now I feel very normal, not at all disturbed. I think it's because I know my life will finally change and all the things I've felt uncomfortable with for the last couple of years will end. A fresh start for both of us.
Because we've broken up, Malin and I are very friendly with each other, almost normal. It's because we both know I'm moving soon.
I have to get to know myself. I feel that I've no idea who I am. I've been having a few panicky moments when I didn't know if I knew, or liked, who I was.
I feel like I've checked myself at the door of this Relationship. So has Malin. I've never lived on my own. I moved from mom and dad to a dorm to Malin. I've been with her since I was 18, for my whole adult life. I don't even know who I am.
I think we're both reliefed and I realise for this, and many other reasons, I need therapy. I had problems before I met Malin and I were just so busy with our love I never dealt with them. I have to do that now.
It comes and goes, really. Earlier today I wasn't doing so well (I was at my uncle's house - he's going with me to see an apartment next week and he's going to help me with the loan and also re-decorating and moving. My mom had called him yesterday and asked him to help since he lives here. I like my relatives) but as soon as I got home I started feeling better. I'm using Malin to medicate me and that's not very fair, considering she's also going through some tough times now.
Right now I feel very normal, not at all disturbed. I think it's because I know my life will finally change and all the things I've felt uncomfortable with for the last couple of years will end. A fresh start for both of us.
Because we've broken up, Malin and I are very friendly with each other, almost normal. It's because we both know I'm moving soon.
I have to get to know myself. I feel that I've no idea who I am. I've been having a few panicky moments when I didn't know if I knew, or liked, who I was.
I feel like I've checked myself at the door of this Relationship. So has Malin. I've never lived on my own. I moved from mom and dad to a dorm to Malin. I've been with her since I was 18, for my whole adult life. I don't even know who I am.
I think we're both reliefed and I realise for this, and many other reasons, I need therapy. I had problems before I met Malin and I were just so busy with our love I never dealt with them. I have to do that now.
