(no subject)
Aug. 18th, 2005 04:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kribbanI'm at the library computer right now. My own computer is set up but they haven't hooked up the DSL yet. *growls* Have been living without Internet for a week so far. Not funny at all.
What's going on right now? Well I unpacked everything today. Some fixing up of the apartment needs to be done, (esp. the hallway) but I've done all I can.
How do I feel? Well, not to be over-dramatic but I really regret my decision. I feel I've made a terribly mistake. Naturally, things had to change. I had to distance myself from the intense first years where she was everything to me. (Neither she nor I are the same people anymore.) I also had to quit the fantasy world (saying goodbye to my fantasy friends unfortunately) and get more of my own life but I shouldn't have felt the need to move away. It was a very sudden, intense situation and I should have said "OK, let's cool down for six months before deciding what to do."
Malin offered me to live with her as flat mates and I declined. I really regret that now. I don't want to live in my new apartment. I want to go home. I really feel we could lead separate lives while still living in our apartment.
I really love our life together. We are determined to stay friends and stay in each others' lives but I'm not sure how that will work when we don't live together anymore. I fear we will drift apart! I fear that I will stop liking her. I don't want that. She can't be my entire life the way she used to (that was unhealthy) but I want her in my life.
I don't want to change. I don't want to become shallow and plain and like everyone else. I don't want to stop reading fanfiction or reading fantasy books or finding new fandoms even though I feel the pressure from my parents to "grow up". I want to keep the same lifestyle. I don't want to lose the good things I've got or the good qualities I've got.
If I could go back I would say yes to Malin's offer. If you live together you will spend time automatically without making an effort. I want to move back but I can't because I've already bought the apartment. I don't want to forget about her or change lifestyle. I wish I could turn back time.
What's going on right now? Well I unpacked everything today. Some fixing up of the apartment needs to be done, (esp. the hallway) but I've done all I can.
How do I feel? Well, not to be over-dramatic but I really regret my decision. I feel I've made a terribly mistake. Naturally, things had to change. I had to distance myself from the intense first years where she was everything to me. (Neither she nor I are the same people anymore.) I also had to quit the fantasy world (saying goodbye to my fantasy friends unfortunately) and get more of my own life but I shouldn't have felt the need to move away. It was a very sudden, intense situation and I should have said "OK, let's cool down for six months before deciding what to do."
Malin offered me to live with her as flat mates and I declined. I really regret that now. I don't want to live in my new apartment. I want to go home. I really feel we could lead separate lives while still living in our apartment.
I really love our life together. We are determined to stay friends and stay in each others' lives but I'm not sure how that will work when we don't live together anymore. I fear we will drift apart! I fear that I will stop liking her. I don't want that. She can't be my entire life the way she used to (that was unhealthy) but I want her in my life.
I don't want to change. I don't want to become shallow and plain and like everyone else. I don't want to stop reading fanfiction or reading fantasy books or finding new fandoms even though I feel the pressure from my parents to "grow up". I want to keep the same lifestyle. I don't want to lose the good things I've got or the good qualities I've got.
If I could go back I would say yes to Malin's offer. If you live together you will spend time automatically without making an effort. I want to move back but I can't because I've already bought the apartment. I don't want to forget about her or change lifestyle. I wish I could turn back time.
