kribban | (no subject)

At the library computer again. Feeling an attack of depression at the moment but I will will it to go away when I go home. I've been a good girl and writing on CI today. Last night Malin came over and I cooked my first real meal in the new kitchen. She loved the place. :-) We drank wine and sat on the balcony and watched the canal - which she loved as well, though I don't like the big bridge blocking my view!
:-)

Now everyone loves the apartment except for me. :-)

I saw ROTK - the theatrical version this morning. (I don't have the EE's, they were all Malin's.)
I'm very scared of losing some of the lifestyle that I led with Malin.

We got very into fandoms (LOTR was the main one!) and computer games. We would watch TV shows and burn inscence and candles, stay up all night to work on creative projects, have BBQs on the balcony and be very relaxed. Our home was our base of operations so to speak and it was very cozy.

I'm so scared I'll lose interest in any of those things, or rather, that I feel I must in order to "be a real adult." Like, fanfiction is a big part of my life now, and I love LOTR and HP (as all of you must know by now!) and I don't want to feel the need to give them up just because I'm 25. I comfort myself with the knowledge that most my fandom friends seem to be older than I! :-)

The thing I fear above all else is to become average, like everyone else, to lose my sense of imagination, my ability to get excited about stories and movies. I fear that now that I'm out from under Malin's wing I'll succumb to the pressures of relatives/parents/the rest of the world and "grow up." Heh, I work and pay my bills, that's grown up enough for me.

I'm not saying I want to live Malin's life or decorate my place exactly like she does, but there are certain elements of our lifestyle I want to keep.

I definitely think I'm going to feel better once I get Internet!! (And my movieposters arrive.)

I was going to write some more but I don't feel up to it at the moment. I'll drink more wine and write more on CI tonight.

Hugs to you all.