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kribbanWe had a fairly nice Valpurgis Eve. I didn't come home from school & shopping groceries until 8 pm and then I was too tired and rushed to want to attend the festivities in town (the lighting of bonfire, the fireworks show, the speeches and the singing.) Instead we stayed home and relaxed. I had done all the shopping so Malin did all the grilling and preparing of the BBQ. We sat out on the (now clean) balcony for about two hours, eating from the grill and drinking Blue Moon wine. I even sang the main song. She and SBB and Jimmy then convinced me to see the Omen that had arrived from our DVD-service. I was reluctant because I'm real scared of horror movies but she nagged at me until I complied. The movie wasn't that scary, but of course in the night everything seems scary. We went to bed and she was real sweet with me, and I wasn't afraid. Then I had one of those nightmares...
They usually happen after about an hours' sleep, when I have to go to the bathroom. My bladder can't just wake me up like a normal person, no what happens is that I get a sort of panic nightmare. I had the first one of these four years ago. I can't describe them really. It's not a normal nightmare where you have a dream in which something scary happens. It's more like a dreamlike state that I wake up to, and it's always the same. I see something in the room. Something dark and physical. It can have different shapes and be at different places. Sometimes on the wall, sometimes hanging over Malin's bed, yesterday it was standing in the middle of the room. The object has been a black stick, pole, branch of leaves or just a shadow. In the first dream I had four years ago I saw a round black spidery object rotating in the air just beneath the ceiling. Silly things really, but I always KNOW they are there.
I always scream. I usually wake up from my screaming. Here is the disturbing part: Malin is terrified of me having these dreams. She feels terrorized by the screaming. I always frighten her and that makes me feel terrible. I love her, I want to be the person who makes her feel safe, not unsafe. She told me last night I screamed for a very long time in English "Oh My God, Oh My God, what is that?" at the "pole" in the middle of the room.
She tried to yell at me to wake up but I just kept screaming until I ran out of bed, turned on the light and could see that there was no object in the room. As soon as I have "woken up" I always snap out of it and the panic vanishes. Once I saw several "objects" in the room and I knew they were dangerous and evil. I managed to evade them and run out of the room, naked, into the living room where Malin was sitting on the couch with a friend (!) I sat down next to her and threw my arms around her and screamed and cried until I "woke up" and thought "What the fuck am I doing here?!" Luckily her friend knew me and understood and they could have a good laugh about it. Otherwise it would have been quite embarrassing!
When it happens while she's in the room however, the effect is devestating. She is terrified and miserable. She is usually in a shock state where she cries endlessly and violently. She sounded heartbroken last night and she was shaking all over, more screaming than crying. I felt so horrible for doing that to her. She was afraid to fall asleep again, expecting the screaming to happen again. I tried to reassure her that it wouldn't happen again, as it never has happened a second time. The annoying thing is that last night I did go to the bathroom before going to sleep to prevent this sort of thing to happen!
I tried to comfort her, but how do I protect her from myself? Jimmy said he was cross with me for destroying her sleep and scaring her. I don't think I should see more horror movies before going to sleep. Maybe seeing the Omen had something to do with it, and drinking wine as well. I'm never as scared as when I "see" the objects in the room. Nightmares you can wake up from but when the horror creeps over into your waking state it's a whole different ball park. Thankfully as soon as I've "woken up" and my heart has calmed, all panicky feelings are only a memory.
They usually happen after about an hours' sleep, when I have to go to the bathroom. My bladder can't just wake me up like a normal person, no what happens is that I get a sort of panic nightmare. I had the first one of these four years ago. I can't describe them really. It's not a normal nightmare where you have a dream in which something scary happens. It's more like a dreamlike state that I wake up to, and it's always the same. I see something in the room. Something dark and physical. It can have different shapes and be at different places. Sometimes on the wall, sometimes hanging over Malin's bed, yesterday it was standing in the middle of the room. The object has been a black stick, pole, branch of leaves or just a shadow. In the first dream I had four years ago I saw a round black spidery object rotating in the air just beneath the ceiling. Silly things really, but I always KNOW they are there.
I always scream. I usually wake up from my screaming. Here is the disturbing part: Malin is terrified of me having these dreams. She feels terrorized by the screaming. I always frighten her and that makes me feel terrible. I love her, I want to be the person who makes her feel safe, not unsafe. She told me last night I screamed for a very long time in English "Oh My God, Oh My God, what is that?" at the "pole" in the middle of the room.
She tried to yell at me to wake up but I just kept screaming until I ran out of bed, turned on the light and could see that there was no object in the room. As soon as I have "woken up" I always snap out of it and the panic vanishes. Once I saw several "objects" in the room and I knew they were dangerous and evil. I managed to evade them and run out of the room, naked, into the living room where Malin was sitting on the couch with a friend (!) I sat down next to her and threw my arms around her and screamed and cried until I "woke up" and thought "What the fuck am I doing here?!" Luckily her friend knew me and understood and they could have a good laugh about it. Otherwise it would have been quite embarrassing!
When it happens while she's in the room however, the effect is devestating. She is terrified and miserable. She is usually in a shock state where she cries endlessly and violently. She sounded heartbroken last night and she was shaking all over, more screaming than crying. I felt so horrible for doing that to her. She was afraid to fall asleep again, expecting the screaming to happen again. I tried to reassure her that it wouldn't happen again, as it never has happened a second time. The annoying thing is that last night I did go to the bathroom before going to sleep to prevent this sort of thing to happen!
I tried to comfort her, but how do I protect her from myself? Jimmy said he was cross with me for destroying her sleep and scaring her. I don't think I should see more horror movies before going to sleep. Maybe seeing the Omen had something to do with it, and drinking wine as well. I'm never as scared as when I "see" the objects in the room. Nightmares you can wake up from but when the horror creeps over into your waking state it's a whole different ball park. Thankfully as soon as I've "woken up" and my heart has calmed, all panicky feelings are only a memory.
